I wasn’t getting any better. In fact, the relapse felt worst. It has become a mixture of anger and stress and annoyance and exhaustion and curiosity. One minute you decide to let go the next you go back to wanting real answers. What the hell is going on here? Even my UBER driver has become questionable.
This has to stop! But how? Many options came to mind – fight back (battle), let go of my current marriage and choose a better life (surrender), stick to my partner but move to another country for a year just to breathe (run away), or change my current perspective to detoxify the air I am breathing (change focus). Since what you are feeling inside shows on the outside, I knew no matter where I went, if I were to carry the same feelings around little to nothing will change. Our surroundings (including the people we interact with) only have as much power over us as we give them. So, considering that equation, if we decide with wisdom, they have 000 power.
Immediately, I realised that my greatest problem was that my eyes were fixed on the storm. I constantly focused on the trials and difficulties around that I failed to see both the small and big blessings each day brings. I got negative all over and I guess it poured out to everything I did and how I considered everyone around me. I just couldn’t find happy even when happy was right in front of me. I lost my appetite for life. I gave in and settled. Because I felt questioned and chose to dwell on it, I began questioning myself and thinking the way others thought about me. If you don’t have confidence in yourself – if you yourself are doubting who you really are – nobody will have confidence in you. How you feel about yourself will definitely reflect on others. I may not be able to change the circumstances that are coming my way, but I can choose to improve on my situation by changing me. Negativity makes you unhappy and ungrateful. Now, let’s do a full turn on that.
Gratitude changes everything. Very very true. My plan is to find a blessing in each day – no matter what it brings me. I guess this will start reminding me as well of who I am as a person because what you value in life talks a lot about your character. I wanna be thankful and happy again. I’ve considered that maybe it’s this city that isn’t for me, but happiness goes beyond borders. It’s a choice.
Be thankful. For the next 30 days, I will be writing about a blessing I received for the day. 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”