Customer Service – what did I know about the role? Basically, that I needed to answer phone calls, pick up on technology, and sell stuff. BTW, I’m to be supporting software I knew nothing about. Nice! So me! Truly so me!
I told one of my best friend’s back home about it and because he knew me so well, the only words he could say were – brave soul.
Training Week Day 3 – I quit!! I decided this role wasn’t for me and talked to both my trainer and team leader about it. They, however, convinced me to give it a try and see how I go for a week or a month (can’t remember so well what they advised). So, okay I stayed. Good decision? Bad decision? To this day, I can’t tell.
Not that I didn’t perform – in fact, I can proudly say I picked up quickly and delivered quite well in terms of performance targets (clap clap!). Now on the goal of fitting in, that didn’t seem to be happening. I wanted so badly to just be normal, sort of blend in and not make much of a noise. But, I was excited too – new country, new opportunity, new friends. Anyways, all in all, none of that happened. For some reason, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb from day 1. I tried the try and try until you die motto but as the weeks/months went by, things seemed to be getting worst.
Do you know the feeling when you know you are hot topic (in a negative way that is) but you don’t really know what the fuss is about? Subtle and sometimes not too subtle glances and remarks are thrown your way but you just don’t know what they’re for. You wanna ask but maybe it’s a scary thing to know the list of things they think is wrong with you; so, you shut your mouth and roll with it until you just can’t take anymore. Yup, that’s what happened.
Three months into the company and already I started to feel nervous about work. What would I encounter today? What will I hear? How do I take it so it doesn’t bother me? How do I change their perception? Is this even fixable? Just some daily mental grind. Not much! LOL!
I chose not to talk to anyone about it in detail – not even my family. Coming from a Christian background, I did what I knew was best – I prayed. I also asked friends for prayers but more for direction because early on I knew I wanted something different. The role didn’t fit in with me and I didn’t fit into the role. Bad match indeed!
I stayed on ’til I hit 6 months and then that was it – I knew it. I needed to get out of there before I completely lost it. To cut the long story short, my life, emotions and maybe even sanity went into a downward spiral and the thing I dreaded the most happened – depression.
*True story – My husband and I watched a movie together earlier on but still during this 6-month period in my life and there was an ad about depression – infomercial of sorts giving people information on support for those who struggle with this. I remember remarking, ” In the Philippines, you can’t really go around saying I’m depressed. People don’t really accept it as an excuse. Get over it!” Little did I know, while making this remark I was on this very road.
NEXT STEP – HELP!!!